When I imagined motherhood, I obviously didn’t have a clue about what it would be like to raise only boys.
I have 3 boys and in less than 1 month that number will increase to 5 (let's cross that bridge when we get there).
Two of my boys are teenagers, aged 17 and 14. They are really mellow (on the boy-energy scale), and they are somewhat well-behaved (on the boy-behavior scale).
If you think life with an almost-teenage boy is full of surprises, I’m here to tell you the biggest, baddest, and bestest is yet to come.
More than big appetites and even bigger messes, parenting a teenage boy is both magic and madness! Those years between boyhood and manhood is basically what you’ve been training your whole parenting life for when you’re a Boy Mom. But just in case you have any doubt, here are the good and the bad when it comes to all the stuff no one tells you about parenting a teenage boy.
Your greatest conversations will happen in the car while you both stare at the road.
A young lady will break his heart, and you’ll secretly feel a little Mean Girl-ish about it.
More often than not, he can fix your biggest TV/computer/cell phone worries.
As desperate as he is to grow up, the idea still terrifies him.
No mood, crush, favorite song, or ratty t-shirt lasts forever - so let him be.
You are easily the most uncool and most beloved person in his life.
He’ll talk about his childhood like it’s a thing of the past … and you’ll catch yourself doing it, too.
He’d willingly eat his favorite food until he throws up.
There’s tremendous freedom in no longer worrying about R-rated movies the way you used to.
You can really see yourself becoming near-besties with him one day.
He’ll sleep like IT’S HIS JOB - and you will still find yourself checking if he's still breathing like when he was a baby.
He’ll count his facial hairs.
He won’t wear his retainer.
He’ll overrun your WIFI account. (Every. Damn. Month.)
He still likes to hear the story of when he was born.
Without ever realizing it, he’ll need your permission to cry sometimes.
He needs to be needed.
He is bored. So bored. Always bored.
He’ll be slightly afraid to talk to his teachers.
He’ll get angry sometimes for reasons he can’t explain.
You love him more now than you ever have.
He still likes cartoons.
One stupid decision can change everything, including his mood.
He’ll care for you in unexpected ways.
His relationship with his dad might get rocky.
He’ll wish he had a bedroom lock.
He’s way more expensive now than he ever was.
He’s all awkward long limbs.
He’s full of finger-tapping, pen-clicking, leg-bouncing, lip-popping, knuckle-knocking noises.
Mom’s home cooking is still his favorite.
He can handle the truth.
The public will treat him poorly sometimes because of his age.
He’s hungry before he even finishes eating.
He’s fiercely loyal to his family.
He’ll hurt himself as often now as when he was a toddler.
He’s really bad at sharing food.
He’ll say he “doesn’t care” when he’s afraid his opinion will get shut down.
You’ll have trouble distinguishing whether he’s forgetful, lazy, or both sometimes.
Yes, he is lazy.
He smells really bad – everything smells really bad.
They cannot stop touching each other - A punch on the arm is like an exclamation point on any sentence and they punctuate OFTEN.
Wearing boxers and a t-shirt IS “dressed”.
They hate smiling.
You will sound like a broken record saying "pull up your pants" constantly!
They hate taking photos - especially with you.
"Thumbs up" is a normal communication tool.
They call all of their friends by their last name - I am forever meeting boys with no first names.
There is a word limit. By the time they are 14 there are only four words left. 1) Yes 2) no 3) good and 4) bad.
So, consider yourself warned by someone who has been there and will be doing it for another 3 teenagers in a few years.
Good luck parents because, boy! are you going to need it!
xxxZ