After some post suggestions and requests, I have decided to write about a topic that most parents dread when their children reach a certain age. Moody teenagers.
I was a teenager so I should know how this works right? Wrong! I don’t know how the mind of a male teenager works, but like my sister said to me the other day, “If all fails with your first 2 teenagers, you know what not to do with the other 3 along the way” Ha! Very funny...
To a moody teen who is engrossed in fear and is looking for compassion and comfort, advice and solutions feel like a lecture that they don't want and don't need until they find some relief for what they are feeling emotionally and physically.
“Where is my fun and enthusiastic kid? He practically disappeared overnight and in return a complete stranger with an unpleasant temperament has taken his place. Is this a phase?”
If this sounds too familiar then you probably have a teenager living with you as well. It really is to be expected, with all the hormonal and social changes, this can easily explain their attitudes and strong stints of moodiness.
Before we go any further, I would like to note that it’s extremely important for parents to pay attention to their teen's mood and make sure that there are no signs of serious depression beyond moodiness.
Here are a few tips on what I have been testing with my teenage boys. Like unpredictable teenagers, on some days it worked and on other days it did not.
Tip 1: Help Your Teen To Accept Change – Emotionally and Physically.
Often your teenager's moodiness is tied to something in their world that has changed and they are continuing to use an approach that no longer works. If you feel your teen is stuck in a rut or not open to new changes in his or her life, such as learning to adapt to a new curfew or other new limits, keep the lines of communication very open and offer explanations as to why you feel these changes are for their best interest.
I know this is easier said than done, trust me.
Talking about physical body changes was hilarious as I was not aware of what all goes on with boys, it made light of the topic we were talking about on a less serious note. Thank goodness my sons school offered sex education in grade 7, making my life so much easier.
Tip 2: Back Up and Back Off.
If you don’t want hurt feelings, then back off. My son said that the best way he is able to come out of his “moods” is when we gave him space to breathe. Basically not adding more fuel to the fire. This, however, is often the toughest thing for well-meaning parents to do. It’s our instinct to want to rush in and save our kids when they are feeling down, but truthfully, the best course of action can often be to just back off. This gave my son the feeling that we believed he was capable of making good choices and that we had confidence in his judgment.
Tip 3: Don’t Show Your Frustration
Remember that this mini storm of a mood will soon pass, soon being the operative word here! One of my favorite parenting phrases is “This Too Shall Pass.” Whether it was because he didn’t like what I was making for dinner, or if his younger sibling so much as looked at him the wrong way. The reaction to how his mood swing would go was whether or not he saw me getting all worked up and frustrated or if I would remain calm. It really is true that for every reaction there is an action. Getting aggravated and fighting back only got him more frustrated and made his mood worse, so if you are able to maintain your calm and remember that this mini storm of a mood will soon pass, you’ll be laying the foundation for a much more tranquil atmosphere sooner rather than later.
Tip 4: Be There When Needed
OK, so this tip is almost completely opposite of tip 2, although my now young adult often just needed his own space, I could see that he also was reassured knowing that his parents are available to talk or just listen if that is what he needed at the time. This would happen when he would randomly prod himself on my bed starting a conversation which reminded me that even though he is growing into a young man, he is still my soft-hearted little boy. Sometimes we as parents need to do more listening than talking and try not to lecture or belittle our teenagers experiences. Judgment will only alienate your teen, and he/she will not be as likely to come to you in the future. My boy is now 17 and I am proud to say that he comes to me atleast 2-3 times a week to talk.
Tip 5: Encourage Friendship Time
One of the bonuses of having a large family is that there is always someone for a sibling to play with. On the other hand, that can also drive siblings crazy because they continually get pawned off on one another, or get blamed as a group instead of an individual for any mischief. When I finally realized that my kids could benefit from hanging out with their friends, or their friends coming over and not just rely on their siblings for entertainment, there was actually a bit more peace in our home. The proof was in the pudding, I could see that my son having access to his friends coming over and hanging out would ease his bad moods and help him relax.
Tip 6: Relax, you are human too
This may be the most important tip of all. Remember this a first for you too. I know this may be impossible in the heat of things but when all is said and done, take a breather, sit back and relax with a cup of green tea (or whatever) and smile. One of these days you will miss all this growing up and your teenager will be a full grown adult. You are doing your best and you are doing a great job in keeping everyone's head above the water.
xxx Z